Operation: Veins

Warning: This post contains graphic language pertaining to blood and medical procedures involving drawing blood.

Since everyone in my household seems to have become conscientious of their glucose and cholesterol levels lately, I decided that I, too, would like to know mine. I have been putting this off for a while, for a number of reasons. First, I don’t have health insurance in this country. None of my three jobs pay enough to qualify me for health insurance.

Second, my cholesterol level was borderline two years ago, and I have been putting off another check up because I am a chicken. I was afraid my cholesterol had gone up, which, given my age, is an indication of a more serious predicament. Basically, I was in denial.

Third, my glucose level was also too high two years ago. Not terribly high, but apparently high enough to warrant a suggestion that I visit a family doctor as soon as possible. My grandmother had diabetis and so, once again, I was in denial, not wanting to deal with this.

And before you shake your finger at me, please know that I am well aware of the fact that putting off such a check up given the risks, e.g. heart desease, diabetis, etc. is not the best way to deal with life. All this time I have been telling myself that the health fare technicians were simply wrong and their measurements were off because I had a big bowl of cereal right before I went for a glucose and cholesterol check. Not the best excuse, but it was my only comfort for the last two years.

Anyway, when I found out that it would only cost me $2.50, I decided it would simply be wrong to pass up on such a deal. What I did not know at the time is that I would come out of the doctor’s office with butchered veins and that it would take a couple of rounds of home remedies to not look like I have been doing drugs most of my life.

I showed up at the office around nine a.m. They invited me in 15 minutes later. Now, I am not sure why, but I did not realize that they would be taking blood from my veins for this. When the nurse said to place my arm on this white pillow and then strapped me to it, my heart started beating quite rapidly, not unlike that of a mouse caught in a trap. Except, there was no cheese anywhere in sight. Things might have gone much smoother, had there been cheese to compensate for sacrificing my veins in the name of science.

Now, you have to understand that my only other experience with having blood drawn from my veins was horrific. No blood ever came out of my vein. And I walked away in pain and bruises. But that’s another story.

So, as soon as I realized that this procedure was going to involve veins, I knew everyone was in for a once in a lifetime experience. Well, twice in a lifetime, for me. The conversation went something like this,

“You have very bad veins.”
“Yes. I am aware of this.”
(as the nurse is poking the needle in my arm and I am trying to look away) “Well, there is some blood coming out. It’s coming from somewhere, I don’t think it’s the vein though.”

Wow, think I, isn’t that what any person would like to hear as they are having blood drawn from their very bad veins? “I got some blood coming here, it’s not from your vein though, not really sure where it’s coming from.” Pretty sure it’s coming from my knee, since you stuck a needle the size of my pinkie in my arm and it’s gone through the thing, all the way into my leg.

Um, and did I mention that when you attempt to stick a needle in someone’s vein and end up drawing blood from the mysterious and unexplored “somewhere else” it really HURTS. And she attempted to do that twice in the same arm. To say OUCH is a huge understatement.

Anyway, we were obviously getting nowhere with this and after she told me that I would end up with a huge bruise on that arm, she asked that I give her the only other arm I had left. Breath. I had no choice. I had already paid my $2.50. And I was not going to go through this again. So, I gave up the second arm.

Things seemed to go a bit better with that one. Although the nurse kept insisting that my veins were bad. Worse than bad. She did get enough blood and this time she didn’t say whether or not it was, once again, coming from elsewhere.

I walked away in a slight shock and when I got home I noticed that the arm that actually gave up the necessary amount of blood had a huge bubble in it. So I guess the nurse let the extra blood roam free underneath my epidermis. So, mom bandaged me up and I have been getting better since then.

The happy news is — my test results were very good. Cholesterol is within norm and glucose level is near perfect. I can’t say it was worth it, but at least, now I know and I can wait another 12 months until I have to subject my veins to another round of scientific wonders.