Where I Express Feelings of Guilt

Husband and I had a rare opportunity to watch a movie last night after baby Smith fell asleep for the night. We watched Michael Moore’s Sicko. What a bunch of heavy stuff. I can’t even find the words to express how I feel about this whole mess that is the US health care system.

I have been dealing with various insurance companies for about a year now and our hospital bills are still rolling in, so this movie came at the right time for me. The whole time we were watching it, I was wishing we lived in Canada, or UK, or France, or anywhere else, really.

At one point, Mr. Moore interviews a French woman who is about to have a baby and she tells him she gets six months off paid and then has an option to take another six months unpaid to take care of her newborn baby. I almost cried. Actually, I think I did cry.

I feel like women in the US are pressured to get back to work in 8-12 weeks postpartum. Elsewhere in the world women are given at least six months with pay to raise their baby, no questions asked. If you are unable to get back to work in 12 weeks (preferably eight), then you are considered abnormal in some way. It really should be the other way around. Truly.

Since I started back at work last week, I’ve been struggling with this whole issue. Please don’t take this personally if you are a mother who got back to work eight weeks after you had your baby and are happy you did so. These are my feelings and I do not mean to step on anyone’s toes here. To me, why have a baby if you are not going to be there to raise him/her?

I know this is harsh and I realize that the US system is set up this way and I am also aware of the fact that many families depend on that income. I just wish this were not the case. I wish women didn’t have to choose between baby and career because this choice has been impossibly difficult for me to make and I am still agonizing over this. There are no right answers, no matter which way you look at it.

On the one hand, I love my job and the ladies I work with. I want to have a successful career. On the other hand, there is my sweet baby boy who is learning new things every second of every day and I don’t want to miss out on that. So, here I sit, wishing I lived in Canada. Share some wisdom with me, ladies!